Certain, Yet Uncertain, Endings

After 90 minutes in most movies, you know they have to bring it to and end in the next 30 minutes or so, Right? Bottom line, I like a resolution to the story before me.Well, with the current story I am living I feel like I’m on a dead-end street. I know there is no outlet to any other endings but the end of this street. By my calculations, I should have reached the end before now.

I’m not lost. I know I am where I belong. And I know, at least in general, how this story will end. But the road is longer than I anticipated, and it turns at times I least expect it. It also has hills and valleys. The views along the way draw on every one of my varied emotions. Sometimes they come one or two at a time. Sometimes it feels like a train wreck of emotions all jumbled in a huge messy even bloody heap.

My mom is in hospice care at her home, thousands of miles from my home. Her home has become my home for this season.

This street I am on with my mom ends at her transition to heaven. She knows and loves Jesus and has for most of her eight decades of life. The Bible promises eternal life to those who know and follow Jesus. So that makes the end of this street a great place.

But it’s this journey to the dead-end that counts now.

The earthly goal for me is to keep her comfortable, as much as it depends on me. My brother & I have hired wonderful people to care for her. But they are not family.

The other thing I have hoped to do is to love mom unconditionally. Physical care is part of that, but emotional and spiritual care are also part of the journey.

This is where my resources as a (sometimes professional) organizer have no influence. This is where my relationship with God is crucial.

I do not have the resources to love anyone unconditionally. God does. When I allow myself to stop planning and organizing, then I am able to listen to Holy Spirit tell me what she needs. Mom & I have had several priceless conversations about forgiveness, freedom, God’s love and complete acceptance.

One time I was trying to explain God’s love flowing through us to others. In her medicated state I was having difficulty getting her to grasp the concept. Then God gave me an illustration she understood clearly. We used to summer on property that had an artesian well. This is a natural spring that needs no pump. It gushes continuously all year round from deep below with pure clean water.

As soon as I told her “if we yield to God’s love it becomes like and artesian well flowing through us.” She instantly understood. We both had the same artesian well in our minds eye. I could not even use that explanation with you with out first explaining it. But the Holy Spirit knew and she understood it instantly.

Other times a hug is what she needs or a haircut or perhaps my new favorite is sitting silently (praying silently) holding her had as she fitfully falls asleep. It is the least I can do for the one who changed my diapers!

Forget the 90 minutes to resolution! This is not fiction. This is real life, and it is death that leads to eternal life. We have been on this dead-end street for six weeks and counting. I know the good guys win, I just don’t know the details.

I have put my plans on hold until we reach this dead-end. At first I struggled, but I am learning to cherish this dead-end street…every twist and turn….

Maybe you are on this same street or on a very different journey with other uncertainties. How can you yield a-fresh to allow Gods’ love to gush through you?

Lord, I am unworthy and unable to walk this path you have called me to. I choose to follow you where ever you lead because you promise to be with me every step of the way. I give up doing it my way. I ask you to flow though me to give me strength and to bring your love to everyone around me. I trust you to bring your good resolution to my circumstances…because you are good and faithful! Amen