Greetings And Leave Takings

One of many reasons I miss Africa is the custom of social greetings and leave takings. What are greetings and leave takings you ask?

In 1981, two weeks after my twenty third birthday I landed in Nigeria. I lived in the western part of Africa for the next thirteen years. 

I am certain this experience changed me far more than I changed Africa.

The Nigerian who I consider my African father, welcomed me and others to work there. Yemi Ladipo gave us a wonderful cultural orientation. It included a reading list of African authors and several smaller tips like do not chew gum, the chewing and snapping of gum is impolite and disrespectful. 

There were also some indispensable pointers as well, such as how Africans are generally far less direct in their communications than we Americans, and the importance of always beginning communications with asking about the person. 

“Good morning, did you sleep well?”

Wait for a reply.

“How are you doing?”

Wait for a reply.

“How are the people of your household?” Houses almost always have people that do not belong to what we consider the immediate family.

Wait for a reply. Then the other person inquires.

It’s all about relationships.

This morning, I was texting with an African friend in the US, and he apologized for not beginning with at least a “Good morning.” We both expressed the importance of these standard types of questions one asks, not only of friends, but especially of strangers. 

After these greetings are complete, it is usually time to begin conducting any business at hand.

Early on in Africa I learned the hard way that when I neglected to begin an interaction with greetings, business often slowed way down. Receiving information or any help I needed to facilitate my business, could immediately became a seemingly herculean task. I could receive a run around or even silence, making my day more complicated. 

A short form of these greetings is also very important in written communications. 

It is all about relationships. 

I lived in four different countries during those thirteen years and every language, including other places across the entire continent, still shares the same practices. True, these greetings are often ritualized with succinct Q & A’s that last only a few seconds, but each side of the conversation asks and responds. 

This “pause” as westerners might see it, slows us down to see the person, not only the objective.

The person comes before the task.

Greetings and leave takings help build and maintain personal relationships. When we greet well, we are treating others with respect as human beings and not a hurdle to jump to before accomplish something.

Leave takings happen when the conversation is finished. 

In Nigeria, when one visits a person’s house, one asks for permission to leave and waits for the host to agree. In some cultures, one is expected to ask three times before permission is granted. Again, this was in the early eighties, but I know there are still vestiges of this remaining. Leave taking customs may be even more elaborate than only asking or saying thank you.

I believe all this is about personifying others, establishing, and building relationships.

I have attempted to maintain greetings and leave taking over the thirty years I have returned from living in Africa. And when I do, I notice it really does make a difference.

This morning, when talking with my friend from Africa, I also did not begin with, “Good morning.” We did agree, however, that we far prefer these customs, to neglecting them

Even in our American short forms. Our culture may look for like shaking hands, as we look someone in the eyes, saying, “Hello,” “good morning,” “How are you?” Leave taking might be a simple “It was good to see you,” “Thank you,” and “See you later” 

Abba, 

Slow me down at least enough to notice the other as a person. I ask you to show me how I can see and hear how You want me to acknowledge and love people before beginning the task at hand. Amen