“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” – Nelson Mandela
Resentment is bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly. We all have been there more than a couple of times!
Every time we face mistreatment, we have choices to make. If we don’t follow these steps or something close to them, we end up like the dragonfly in the photo: trapped, having the life sucked out of us!
Each of these steps builds on the next.
1) Forgive: Matthew 6:14 “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
This is a matter of life and death. Forgiveness is choosing to let God handle the matter. I can not control the other person, but I can control myself. I can give the person and situation over to my loving God to over see in His wisdom and sovereignty. Often, I find it does not resolve the way I originally thought it should, but God knows how to work life & love into me. We choose to allow that to happen. As we do, our emotions will follow in time.
Forgiveness is both a one time choice and a process. Every time we are reminded of the offense, we choose what to do with it. This leads to the next step.
2) Release: Once we choose to give the trigger of my resentment to God to take care of, then we need to let go! It is one thing to say “I forgive” and another to let go and walk away. It requires a 180 degree turn from the offense and offenders. This does not mean we have to break from them completely nor does it mean we trust them again or necessarily even be friends. It does mean we have to give it all to Abba then ask God to give us His love for them.
3) Receive: After we forgive and release, we replace the resentment, anger, fear, bitterness and all the negative emotions with their opposites! We ask God to give us His love, grace, peace, self-control, kindness and more. We receive His resources to walk out His command to forgive, because we rarely have the resources in us, apart from God. If we do not fill those places with the good, we are leaving the space open for the resentment and all its “angry cousins” to return.
4) Bless: After we choose to forgive and then release our resentment, we need to bless the offender. “You’re NUTS!” You say? and I say until we can genuinely bless them, we have not fully forgiven or released. This, like all the other steps are supernatural. We depend on God to fulfill His promise to give us what He wants us to have.
5) “Stand”: I was praying with someone recently about forgiving. I suggested she lay all those offenses at the foot of the cross. We went through all the steps, but a few minutes later she was bothered again with the same resentments. I confirmed with her the genuineness of her forgiveness then explained the old negative emotions are habits and may still act like they belong.
The answer is to reaffirm the decision to forgive and release, then, with an attitude of trust in Jesus, say “Jesus.” He knows our hearts and affirms the positive emotions we received and decision we made.
6) Thanksgiving: This is thanking God for what he has done. Yes he as commanded us to forgive, but He has also given us the resources to walk it out. Thank Him for dying on the cross to pay for our resentments and other sins. Thank God for the wisdom He gives us to navigate tricky situations, or how He helped us find a job or met any and all of our needs. I thank Him for every breath I am given to breathe.
7) Praise: When we praise we are Thanking God for who He is. We praise Him for characteristics like goodness, being ever-present, all-knowing, His loving kindness, faithfulness and ability and willingness to carry us through every thing we face in this life.
Praise and thanksgiving help us keep a more humble perspective.
Which photo do you want to represent your life? Before I understood these steps I was like the dragonfly in the web. But by faithfully applying the steps over time, I am a lot more like the second. A work in progress, but well on the way, by the work and grace of God!
Pray and ask God if he has a place in your life he might want you to apply these steps. Then get ready to FLY!=}
