Forgiveness and trust are two very different things.
Forgiveness is something that only requires one person to participate. The person offended must choose to forgive, and let go of the offense.
How does that work you ask?
Letting go is not just saying “I don’t care,” because we do care. We have been hurt.
The key is releasing the offender, and their offenses to Jesus. We let go of our anger so we no longer carry that weight.
Jesus is the only one who takes away all the wrong. He completely paid the price on the cross. His work is a free gift to all who accept. He takes it so we do not have to.
Personally, I choose to be free of the burden of carrying things I cannot fix. If we do not forgive, we are the ones who are crushed under the weight of the offense and bitterness.
I do not have to wait for my offender to apologize to experience the freedom. That said, forgiveness is a decision that may need reinforcing as we process over time.
It helps to know what forgiveness is not:
-A feeling, it is a one-time decision, and a process
-Forgetting
-Excusing the offense, but forgiving and releasing the offender
-Trusting the offender, but letting go of anger
-Conditional, but non-negotiable
-Reconciliation
Trust is different. It is not always possible, or wise to rebuild trust. Trust requires the involvement of all parties. Re-engaging can be a risk and sound boundaries are important in those cases. It also takes time to demonstrate that genuine change has taken place, not only in words, but in actions, if it happens at all.
To rebuild trust, people on all sides of the conflict need to demonstrate changes in attitudes and actions. Words are not enough. Reconciliation takes time, if it happens at all.
My final thought here is that forgiveness and trust originate from a place of understanding that no one is perfect. We all need forgiveness and trust from others as much or more than we need to extend them.
Abba, help us all to look past our hurts, through the lens of your personal, and perfect, payment for all our offenses. We can only love because you love us first. Amen
