Forgiveness: What It Is And What It Is Not

When I was young I don’t think I ever seriously considering forgiveness one way or the other. As a child I was taught to forgive my siblings, (too often in word only) and my classmates so I could get along with people.

A word search of forgive says to stop being angry or resentful toward someone. Yeah right! From experience I can tell you it is not easy, if it is even possible at all, to just make up your mind to let “it” go. A more effective definition of forgiveness from my experience is releasing people, and their offenses to God.

When I became a follower of Jesus I began to understand that there was a lot more to forgiveness than I previously imagined. Saying a snarky “I forgive you” to one of my brothers was not exactly enough, though I knew that already. There are actually spiritual consequences to forgiveness and not forgiving.

One day this quote from Jesus figuratively jumped off the page at me and stopped me so hard it nearly took my breath away. Matt. 6:14-15 “for if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Ouch! So what do we do?

We need to learn to tap into the supernatural power provided by the death and resurrection of Jesus on the cross to enable us to forgive. When we do that, it is both a decision in time, like the dictionary definition as well as a process of continuing to let go.

Think about it, if we don’t forgive who is it really hurting? Not the offender, I am. It adds a layer or few to the stress in our lives because it takes energy to judge and to hold a grudge as we cling to our self-righteousness.

Who & what do we forgive?

• Other people….
• Offenses: things and circumstances that hurt us at any level.
• Ourselves: Sometimes we do something we shouldn’t and it keeps replaying in our minds. We need to give it to God.
• God: God has not done anything wrong, but sometimes we are pretty good at blaming Him for our woes, intentionally or unintentionally. We need to let go.

It is also important to know what Forgiveness is not. It is:

• Not a feeling. It is a choice and a process that we live out in word and actions.
• Not forgetting. that’s partly why it is a process and we need to learn from our experiences.
• Not excusing the offense, but forgiving the offender. We let go and let God deal, in His time, with the offender.
• Not trusting the offender, but letting go of our anger. Trust takes time to rebuild and sometimes it never is rebuilt.
• Not conditional, but non-negotiable. “Only if she….” is not letting go, it is keeping score.
• Not only an event, but also a process.
• Not reconciliation. Romans 12:18 says it well: “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with everyone.” [emphasis mine] Trust and reconciliation are often, but not always related.

Who and what do you need to let go of?