Sometimes people make it hard to be in community. Pick a day…and I know you know what I am talking about.
Do you know the children’s book, Alexander’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day? It describes how some days we really would rather give up on ourselves and others to run away, in Alexander’s case, to Australia.
However… Community is not optional.
Our Creator lives in community! The first sentence of the Bible begins: “In the beginning God created….” The English translation does not do justice to the Hebrew word used here for God. Elohim is the word and it is plural, giving weight to the concept of the Trinity: Father Son and Holy Spirit. The three in One Creator wanted us and formed us, made us as social beings with a need for each other. We arrive in this world in families. Our Creator intends us to be in community with Him and with others.
It is in the context of relationships we learn and grow and heal.
Yes, Some relationships are painful. Actually more realistically, all relationships hurt from time to time. “Iron sharpens iron, and one man [person] sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17) Sharpening requires friction. To become the best version of us, we need people, we need community.
So, what does good community look and act and feel like? Let me share a few prompts and see where you can take it from there. Think over your life and recall groups and individuals who practice these qualities consistently. (No one is perfect!)
- Accepting us as we are and respecting our individuality. These qualities invite us into relationships. We know when others see us for who we really are as opposed to wanting to take advantage of us or not caring about us.
- Build up and encourage. Some people have the gift of seeing God in us. They know how to draw us into who God intends us to be.
- Listening and asking questions. Listening and actually hearing our hearts arguably does more to validate us than those who see and encourage. Both are important.
- Speaking the truth in love. Those who can correct us, help to sharpen us in to better people, and these people invite us to strengthen our weaknesses without crushing us.
- Don’t gossip. I want to stay positive, but this quality is important and leads to my summary point.
- Safe. All the points in this list are part of how community creates a safe environment, physically, emotionally and spiritually for the Holy Spirit to touch and heal us.
We all have the occasional “Alexander days” or even seasons, but what do we do with them? Running from people more often than not makes the pain worse in the long run. Yes, some space is good, but not indefinitely.
Where is God in all of it? Pray and ask, then be open to the answer: “I will never leave you or forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5b) There will also be a more specific to you answer.
Abba, Make me a safe person. You know where I am in the journey and I thank you because you promise you will never give up on me! Lead me to safe community that will help me to become the best version of me You always intended. Thank you!
Safe People is a book I recommend if you want to learn more about being safe and finding safe people.
